Chapter 2

Pokémon: Fallout -- Chapter I

Chapter I

The story begins deep inside Vault 151 somewhere in the middle of the wasteland. The year is 2115. It has been almost six years since the bombs dropped and the residents of Vault 151 had to retreat inside their new eternal home. Once you entered the vault, there is no leaving. The wasteland is a terrifying place full of horrible creatures and fatal amounts of radiation. The only hope for survival is to remain within the safety of Vault 151 and hope to preserve the last hope of humanity until a brighter time. Who knows when or if the Earth might be safe to inhabit again but that is not the worry for right now. The primary concern is keeping the vault under strict regulation so to avoid anyone type of mutiny or unrest. In Vault 151, there is a scientist known simply as The Professor. He works day and night trying to discover a solution to securing life outside the vault. The Professor also takes care of his nephew Isaac since Isaac's parents were killed. His father was killed before Vault 151 and his mother was the first casualty of Vault 151. The Professor is headed down to the living quarters to awaken his nephew with big news. The Professor walks into the room and speaks to Isaac.
The Professor says, "Wake up Isaac; you have a big day ahead of you. It is your 16th birthday and it's time for you to become a man. You have many responsibilities now and we are depending on you to help contribute to the Vault 151 way of life."
Isaac responds, "Professor, I'm so tired can't I start being a man tomorrow or when I'm not living in this hell hole?"
Professor, "No, Isaac, today is the day. Get your Vault suit on. I have a surprise for you in my laboratory."
Isaac slowly gets out of bed, grumbling the whole time about wishing he had suffered the fate of his late parents rather than be stuck in this vault, and heads down to the Professor's lab. On the way down he passes the one bright spot in the vault, the girl of his dreams, Jenna. She was a year older and had been friends with Isaac since before the vault. His day dream sequence was quickly interrupted though by Gary, the bully of Vault 151 who always picks on him.
Gary, "What up loser? Don't tell me you’re staring at my girl again. I swear I'll knock your lights out again if I even catch you looking at her."
Isaac, "She's not your girl, Gary. I can talk to her if I want to. I'm not afraid of you."
The two boys start fighting and they exchange punches to the faces before the security guards break them up. Isaac is told to hurry down to the Professor's lab. Finally, Isaac arrives at the lab to see his uncle sitting at his desk with 3 poké balls sitting on the table.
Isaac, "Alright Professor, I'm here what's the big surprise? I could be knocking some sense into Gary right now instead of being here."
Professor, "I really wish you and your half-brother would get along. Why must you two always be fighting. One of these days you are going to be kicked out of the Vault and that will be the end of that."
Isaac, "So you’re saying that if I continue to fight Gary, I'll be kicked out of Vault 151? SCORE! Wait what if I kill Gary?! They'd have to kick me out then. Hey, Hey Professor can I borrow that pistol on the table? I need to go run an errand."
Professor, "Isaac shut up and sit down. Now before you are three of the most terrible creatures that reside in the wasteland. We managed to bring them with us into the vault before they became subject to radioactive poisoning and mutated. Since it's your birthday, I want you to have one of them. You may choose anyone you wish."
Isaac, "Is there a gun in one of them? ‘Cause that's what I really want for my birthday. OH! OH! or a grenade or really anything that could be used to kill or maim someone."
Professor, "You really need to take this serious. Owning a pokémon is a lot of responsibility. It could be the greatest companion of all and protect you from even the worst creatures."
Isaac, "Fine...........if it'll get you off my back, I'll pick one but then I'm going straight back to bed."
Isaac grabs the ball off the table and leaves the room without as much as a thank you. The Professor looks on in concern only wanting the best for his nephew and worried that he might not care for his new pokémon to the full extent that it needs.  Isaac heads back to his room with the ball in hand and sets it on the table and throws himself into bed. Upon setting it on the table, the ball burst open and a fire lizard pops out and looks at him.  Isaac is startled and freaks out, mostly because the fire lizard just burned a whole in his chair with the flame on the end of its tail.
Isaac, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? THAT'S MY FAVORITE CHAIR!"
He quickly buzzes the Professor on the intercom and starts yelling at him, "YOU NEVER SAID THIS THING WAS GOING TO BE FLAMMABLE!! IT JUST RUINED MY FAVORITE CHAIR AND IT’S ABOUT TO SET OFF THE SMOKE ALARM!"
The Professor responds, "Calm down calm down, just aim the ball at him and say 'RETURN' and it'll be back in the ball. You have to be more careful and you really have to pay more attention to what I say next time."
Satisfied that the problem has subsided, Isaac ignores the rest of the Professor's advice and falls back asleep.

Pokémon: Fallout -- Prologue

Prologue

In the future, there is a full scale nuclear war.  Those who could afford it were taken below into new constructions called vaults.  Now, years later, people are starting to emerge.  The vaults were all designed to protect a specific piece of pre-war life; music, math, science, agriculture and so on.  Our hero comes from vault 151, the vault dedicated to the protection of wildlife.  Over the years, the scientists of vault 151 had to develop a way to transport the wildlife they were studying from outside back into containment cells inside the vault, the pocket ball.  As time went on and the radiation started to turn the wildlife into monstrous versions of their former selves and people began to train these wild animals and use the balls to keep them as pets. They became known as Pokémon and their poke balls.

TESLA: Legendary

TESLA is the most awesome thing since the invention of the automobile. In fact, I was on yahoo the other day and I was extremely offended that they mentioned the TESLA MODEL S as a hybrid. I mean that is outrageous. ITS AN AWESOME AND OVER THE TOP ELECTRIC CAR. IT HAS NO ENGINE. HOW CAN IT BE A HYBRID WHEN IT HAS NO ENGINE??? Anyway, enough ranting, so I want one and am determined to obtain one as my next car.  TESLA is the future and as soon as they can create a car that is in the $30,000 range, then all other companies are straight up screwed. ---Baconator. 


So the other day, I saw a Tesla driving down the road. I mean its not the same as when I saw hundreds of them, but it was pretty monumental. Tesla is the future of cars and if you think that I'm crazy then you can watch me drive my Tesla away silently while I laugh at you. -----New Brilliant Idea-----

Self-driving Tesla


Game------changed..... It would be legen....wait for it and I hope you are not lactose intolerant....dairy.

LEGENDARY!

----Baconator

WLIIA/TPIR/HIMYM

Its been some slow days at work lately so I have had time to browse the internet like in the good ol' days.   I have been catching up on reading memes and most importantly my "Who's Line is it Anyway?"  This was one of my favorite shows when I was younger and I have truly enjoyed it lately.  I am very excited for the come back of this show on July 16th.  Look for it folks its gonna be a great time.

--Narwhal

Wow....seriously Narwhal?

We are supposed to be working not pillaging the internet for women and burning villages. There is treasure to be looted and your sitting over there watching Who's line is it freakin anyway. I mean really that show has been off for I don't even know how long. Drew Carey is now Bob Barker.....which reminds me I love The Price is Right. It is a much better show than Who's line. Its an american classic. ITs the definition of capitalism. I  mean even Barney Stinson knows that which reminds me the final season of How I met Your Mother starts this year and that makes me a sad panda. But enough about that. I think I've made my point.

---Baconator

Baconator: Origins

Baconator: Origins

I am the Baconator. You may probably be wondering why. Well have you ever eaten a Baconator? They are fracking delicious. Like for real. Like imagine making a lasagna out of frickin baconators. I mean that just sounds straight up amazing. Like wow. Like like like....Sorry I have been rambling for a bit now. ANY WAY WHY A BACONATOR YOU ASK??? Well...........................it all started a long time ago in a small little town where the world was still and young and you could still pillage for women and villages without recourse. There once was a boy named Tesla who had a dream to eat the most amazing sammich the world had ever known.  So Tesla started to think and he thought and he thought and he thought and next thing you know he came up with the most awesome thing the world had never been able to conceive of.  IT was a battery powered cheeseburger with bacon deliciousness on it. IT WAS INSANE! but no one wanted to eat it and that was so very disappointing since millions of dollars had been invested into the creation of this sammich. But this didn't discourage young Tesla. He bucked up and decided he would not give up and would continue until the creation of said sammich.  

Then one day he had an idea. He would revolutionize the world with this sammich. He was going to go into the future and send a sammich back in time to save the existing world from its sammichless self. He just had to design a mechanism that could allow him to signal himself in the future of such an idea. So he decided to use reverse crank prank time phone that allows people to call others in the future.  Here is how the conversation proceeded:

Tesla: "Yo this is Tesla from the year 1892. I'm an 1890's kid and I'm trying to save the world from a sammichless horror. I'm you and you are the future me."

At first the future Tesla was skeptical but he decided to go for it.

Future Tesla: "Up yours you freak." And he hung up.

Tesla was discouraged but then, 5 years later, a sammich appeared at a local burger shop and it was rumored to be here to save the world. Tesla ran in and ordered feasted on the greatest sammich he had ever eaten. He called it the BACONATOR!  

Over a 100 years passed till one day I unearthed his story. I was so moved that I legally changed my name in honor of Tesla's story. And thus the Baconator was created and now exists within the interweb.


Ps. Not affiliated with that other baconator which came much later in time than the real baconator. This baconator is like 1000 times better than that Baconator.

Whos line is it anyway?

Its been some slow days at work lately so I have had time to browse the internet like in the good ol' days.   I have been catching up on reading memes and most importantly my "Who's Line is it Anyway?"  This was one of my favorite shows when I was younger and I have truly enjoyed it lately.  I am very excited for the come back of this show on July 16th.  Look for it folks its gonna be a great time.

--Narwhal

Narwhals

Narwhals, Narwhals
Swimming in the ocean
Causing a commotion
'Cause they are so awesome

Narwhals, Narwhals
Swimming in the ocean
Pretty big and pretty white
They beat a polar bear in a fight

Like an underwater unicorn
They've got a kick-ass facial horn
They're the Jedi of the sea
They stop Cthulhu eating ye

Narwhals
They are Narwhals
Narwhals
Just don't let 'em touch your balls
Narwhals
They are Narwhals
Narwhals
Inventors of the shish kebab

Narwhals
They are Narwhals
Narwhals
Just don't let 'em touch your balls
Narwhals
They are Narwhals
Narwhals

(Narwhals, narwhals)

Narwhals, Narwhals
Swimming in the ocean
Causing a commotion
'Cause they are so awesome

Narwhals, Narwhals
Swimming in the ocean
Causing a commotion
'Cause they are so awesome

Narwhals
Are really, really good
You'll find them in the sea
They're never in the woods
Narwhals
You know they're just so sweet
They could stab you in the face
With their long protruding teeth! Yeah!

It's a tooth
A tooth, tooth baby
They don't need a dentist
'Cause they're washin' it daily

It's a tooth!
You know it's the truth!
You don't need no more proof
'cause I'm telling you it's a tooth 

Baconator Narwhal

Why a Narwhal made out of Bacon?

1. Bacon is delicious

2. A narwhal is literally a combination of a whale and a unicorn that fell into the ocean. I mean duh who doesn't know that?

Combine the two and you get a straight up Narwhal made out of bacon.

Now in order to maximize the above awesomeness, we need to get Bacon in its most awesome form.

Cue the Baconator. Its so delicious that its just straight up amazing for all and it fits the Narwhal theme. Now imagine said narwhal swimming through the ocean and suddenly he encounters a baconator and hes like "Woa that is the most baconest thing I have ever seen!" I think that I will merge and form a BACONATOR NARWHAL OF AWESOMENESS and go live in my AWESOME TOWER OF BACONESS UNDER THE SEA! You know how it is. A giant Baconator Narwhal swimming in the ocean living in a Tower made of Bacon in the great lost city of Baconlantis with all of his mermaids worshiping his awesome horn. Like for real, just imagine how awesome it must be for the Baconator Narwhal to own the ocean. Imagine Poseidon and Wendy gave birth and that baby had an imaginary friend that was actually real. Thats the baconator narwhal. Exactly....mind blown!


--Baconator

But Narwhal, why is that your name?

Some of you might be wondering why anyone would call themselves Narwhal.  Well shut your mouth, Its not important.  What is important is the promotion of awesome videos funny pictures and various other media Baconator and I find worth sharing.  

--Narwhal out. PEACE

Why I hate BleacherReport

So the other day I was walking down the street and I looked up and noticed the BleacherReport logo in the window. Suddenly I was filled with rage. I wanted to go up into their office and tell every single person who thinks that they are a journalist in there that they are a complete toolbag and should never ever ever share their opinions on sports ever ever ever. I mean really. Have you been to their site? Its absolutely terrible. The rankings of various sports related stuff are so far wrong that the general audience thinks they are joking. BleacherReport is like the ONION of sports except that BleacherReport is not trying to be FUNNY! I mean really! Come on! Anyway enough with my ranting. I just wanted to share. ---Baconator.

More to come later.

Why TESLA is the future of Cars.

TESLA is the most awesome thing since the invention of the automobile. In fact, I was on yahoo the other day and I was extremely offended that they mentioned the TESLA MODEL S as a hybrid. I mean that is outrageous. ITS AN AWESOME AND OVER THE TOP ELECTRIC CAR. IT HAS NO ENGINE. HOW CAN IT BE A HYBRID WHEN IT HAS NO ENGINE??? Anyway, enough ranting, so I want one and am determined to obtain one as my next car.  TESLA is the future and as soon as they can create a car that is in the $30,000 range, then all other companies are straight up screwed. ---Baconator. 
P.S. < To be continued >